Doug Kreighbaum

As a culture right now we are sliding down a very slippery slope. People are banging into each other and falling all over the place as our culture attempts to define/redefine hate, discrimination, intolerance, and bullying. The two current cultural issues that have become the magnet for the controversy are homosexuality and gay marriage.

It seems almost every day, as people bump into each other’s differing beliefs, the definitions of hate, discrimination, intolerance, and bullying are becoming more clearly defined. The problem is that the definitions are producing the very thing they are trying to avoid.

The most common examples revolve around anyone’s disapproval of the homosexual lifestyle or gay marriage. If you disagree with either of those issues you are automatically hateful, intolerant, discriminatory, and a bully. It doesn’t matter the attitude of the person who disagrees or the ones who are doing the labeling. Those who have been seen as previously persecuted (gay and lesbian community) can now become the persecutors with complete freedom to go on the attack. They are now exempt from any accountability for their attitudes, words, and rants. Why, because those who disagree with the gay lesbian issues are the ones who are full of hate, period. There is no need to consider anyone or anything else.

Two recent examples so you can see for yourself

The following are a couple of recent examples that have made national headlines. I have included the videos so you can touch the actual words and attitudes of the people in question. In late March of 2012 the Omaha City Council held a public hearing concerning an amendment to their anti-discrimination ordinance. University of Nebraska football coach Ron Brown addressed the council in an open forum. He brought up his objection to the ordinance and the homosexual lifestyle. Watch his attitude as he lets off the hook those councilmen who do not know Jesus, and really calls to account those who do.

The second is from a lecture to high school students by Dan Savage, the prominent ant-bullying advocate who pioneered the ‘It Gets Better’ campaign endorsed strongly by President Obama. Savage delivered a Bible-bashing, profanity-laced speech to high school students attending a journalism conference sponsored by the National Scholastic Press Association and the Journalism Education Association.

Savage’s rant included the following statements that you will see on the video. “We can learn to ignore the bullshit about gay people in the Bible the same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation. We ignore bullshit in the Bible about all sorts of things..”

Some students applauded while others were offended and left during the rant. Savage concluded his remarks by telling those who left, “You can tell the Bible guys in the hall they can come back now because I’m done beating up the Bible…It’s funny as someone who is on the receiving end of beatings that are justified by the Bible how pansy-assed people react when you push back.’

It seems to me that calling one group of students (who disagree with homosexuality and gay marriage) “pansy-assed people” sounds a little like hateful bullying. Watch his attitude and compare it to Browns. It is interesting to note that people in the media called Brown hateful, and a bigot, and called for his immediate dismissal. At the same time Savage seemed to receive a free pass for his attitude and words. Watch their attitudes and see for yourself!!! Our cultural definition of hate now seems to be anyone who disagrees with the homosexual lifestyle or gay marriage and everyone else gets a free pass for the attitude and actions. God help us!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

  What do you think the answer is to the following riddle? What do you get   when you mix Oprah Winfrey interviewing Pastor TD Jakes (megapastor  of the 30,000 member Potter’s house in Texas), with asking the  questions, “Do you think being gay is a sin and would you say that  everyone is embraced in your church.” Well in our day an age you  allegedly get a hate crime.

Appearing on Oprah’s Next Chapter in April of 2012, Oprah interviewed  the influential pastor. In responding to those enviable questions in our  hateophobic climate (extreme fear of being classified as hateful) Jakes  was labeled as an extreme hateful homophobe. In our culture right now the acid test of whether you are full of hate is heading toward how you think on the issue of homosexuality and same sex marriages.

Jakes did his best to communicate that he isn’t anti-gay, he loves everyone, and he isn’t a hate filled bigot. Here are some of his responses.

“The perception in our society today is that if you don’t say you’re for same-sex marriage or if you say that homosexuality is a sin that you’re homophobic and you’re not for gay people. That’s not true… It doesn’t mean I have to agree with you to love you.”

“I think that sex between two people of the same sex is condemned in the Scriptures, and as long as it is condemned in the Scriptures, I don’t get tot say what I think. I get to say what the Bible says.”

Well those kind of answers were not good enough to distance himself from being considered full of hate. One writer, Austin Cline, who seems to believe that any disagreement with same sex marriage or homosexuality is hate commented, “There is no way to say “I don’t agree with homosexuality’ that doesn’t end up being bigoted, hateful, and homophobic” (wow, did you get that). This writer further commented, “So why do people like Oprah continue to give bigots like T.D. Jakes a platform to promote their hate?” In case you didn’t get what he is saying, if you disagree with gay marriage or homosexuality you are automatically full of hate and a bigot.

Another writer, Rich Juzwiak writing in Gawker leads with the title “Anti-Gay Pastor Doesn’t Want to Be Known For Being Anti-Gay.” In responding to Jake’s idea that he doesn’t have to agree with homosexuality to love homosexuals Juzwiaki said something incredible (be prepared not to fall out of your chair). “Actually, you do, because when you “disagree” with gay people, you are disagreeing with something that is fundamental to their existence: how they love…Jakes is picking and choosing what Biblical teachings to adhere to…Jakes’ “love” for homosexuals is worthless.”

I have a big concern right now about the cultural fear of hate right now. Not so much for the culture at large but how “Christians” respond to it. Out of a fear of not wanting to appear hateful like legitimate haters Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist bunch (who seem to hate everyone who doesn’t agree with them), Christians go to the other extreme. They end up ignoring what God has said in order not to appear hateful. They simply hide their beliefs and keep their mouths shut in order to avoid the stigma.

Disagreement with sexual practice is the new definition of hate

If disagreement with someone’s sexual practice is the definition of hate then we will have to consider other issues in the media recently. How about the polygamous Joe Darger and his three wives who recently appeared on talk shows (April 2012) discussing their new book “Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage.”

In 2004, polyamory advocate Jasmine Walston stated, “We’re where the gay rights movement was 30 years ago.” Just five years later, Newsweek featured an article entitled, “Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution,” stating, “traditionalists had better get used to it.” The story reported that, “Researchers are just beginning to study the phenomenon, but the few who do estimate that openly polyamorous families in the United States number more than half a million, with thriving contingents in nearly every major city.”

Is it, or will it soon be considered hateful to disagree with Polygamy?

What about Columbia University professor David Epstein who was charged in 2010 with carrying on a three-year affair with his biological adult daughter. In defense Epstein’s lawyer, gave comment to ABCNews.com: “It’s OK for homosexuals to do whatever they want in their own home…how is this so different? We have to figure out why some behavior is tolerated and some is not.”

Epstein finally pled guilty to misdemeanor Incest in June 2011, and at last check is still a professor at Columbia. Was the government full of hate by not only saying he was wrong for what he did but also legally charging him with it.

Is it, or will it soon be considered hateful to disagree with incest?

I couldn’t believe the reporter said it after seeing with his own eyes what had just happened, “What we’re clearly seeing…is a lot of anger and hate quite honestly on both sides.” What had just happened was that a little old lady walked in among a group of people protesting California’s Proposition 8 ballet amendment which would have banned same sex couples from getting married. She simply walked among them carrying a cross and what happened to her was nothing short of a riot and assault. Angry protestors grabbed the cross out of her hands, pushed her, began to stomp on the sign, and shouted terrible things at her. A reporter who was on scene trying to interview the lady visible became fearful for her own safety.

When the reporter in the studio used the phrase to sum up what had just happened “clearly seeing…a lot of anger and hate, quite honestly on both sides,” I wondered what he must have been smoking. Didn’t he just see what we all saw? Was he wearing a blindfold? Well I think he was wearing a blindfold. It didn’t cover his eyes but it did cover his heart. It is a cultural blindfold that is in the hearts of many causing them to deny the reality of what is going on. Check out the video and listen carefully to what the guy says at the end!

Hate Crimes

Hate crime, hate speech, anti-bullying, racist, homophobia, are all words that express a strong cultural aversion to right now. In our politically correct climate there is clearly a new phobia that clinical psychologist will probably soon bring into vogue, hateophobia. Yes, hateophobia (a word I just created) which is an anxiety disorder in which people have an extreme fear of the idea of hatred. The popular chant we have heard echoed in a variety of situations is, “don’t hate, tolerate.”

In February 2012 a national case made headlines stirring up the whole aversion to hatred of any kind. Sandra Fluke, a third-year law student at Georgetown University Law Center, who has served as president of Georgetown Law Students for Reproductive Justice, was denied an opportunity to testify at a congregational hearing on government rules requiring employers to offer insurance coverage for contraception. On February 23, Fluke was given the opportunity and testified at an unofficial hearing convened by Democrats.

She criticizes the health insurance policies of Georgetown, a Jesuit university, saying the school’s lack of contraception coverage has a harmful impact on female students. Understand, this is a Catholic university that has certain theological beliefs regarding contraception.

A few days later, February 29, the controversy was further stirred when Rush Limbaugh slammed Fluke on his talk show by referring to her as a slut. He used the rational that because she wanted the government, through mandated health control plans, to pay for her birth control to cover her sexual activity, is a form of prostitution (payment for sexual activity). Obviously the mean spirited attack of an individual by Rush Limbaugh has to be called into account as hatred. There was another however, who also came off publically as full of hate, the Catholic University. That’s right. They have a theological belief against birth control, and refused to cover it for student’s sexual activity. Because of that, according to the prevailing cultural climate, they are hateful as well.

                                                                                                          The issue of hate

For the Christian responding to the cultural pressure against hate, there appears to be only two extremes of direction one can go. You either end up full of hatred in the name of religion like Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist bunch (who seem to hate everyone who doesn’t agree with them), or go the other direction of the liberal, progressive, anything goes, quasi Christian form of toleration (“don’t fear, don’t hate, tolerate and celebrate”).

Here is the problem for Christians regarding hateophobia. If they disagree with any current cultural trend that is being presented, because of what God has said in His word, they are automatically labeled as hateful. It doesn’t matter what attitude they have (hate filled or meek and mild) they are automatically seen as full of hate. And anything they do falls into the category of a hate crime. Simply because they disagree with what is culturally popular because of what God has said. Because of this many times Christians keep their mouths shut because the stigma of hatred is so inflammatory.

I think that hateophobia is causing the Church (God’s city) to receive a “Trojan horse” within its gates. The enemies hide in it and once the horse is inside the city, the enemy wreaks havoc among God’s people. In the name of tolerance and not appearing hateful, the Church becomes the “First Inclusive Church” that ends up tolerating and celebrating what God thinks is an outrage.

The church isn’t to be like the Westboro Baptist bunch who hates everything and everybody. Nor is it to be “The First Church of Inclusion” that loves and tolerates what God hates? Here is a good rule of thumb for evaluation. If you always seem to be persecuted and rarely attract people to Jesus, it may because you are obnoxiously hateful. On the other hand, if you are never persecuted for your faith it’s probably because you are a big coward that is more conscious with how you look before men rather than how you look to God.

Not long ago we put a slogan up over the main exit of our church building, “You are entering  your mission field.” Yet when people make a beeline for the parking lot on Sundays’ I wonder if  there will be any connection between the service they just attended and the rest of their week.  Will they see God’s mission in their everyday life? Will they look for a week of opportunities as  His missionaries at their workplace, school, and marketplace?

 Contrary to contemporary missional ideas, Christians do not need to move to a Third World  country to make a significant contribution in the mission field. They don’t have to go overseas to participate in the fulfilling of the great commission. Many times the most significant mission field is right under our nose.

I have heard estimates that America is probably the fourth largest non-Christian nation in the world. Some report that there are 235 million non-Christians in America. Every Christian spends about 65% of their waking moments in work, school, or the marketplace.

There is a strategic nature of these places in the plan of God. The early church advanced in the first century not primarily by preachers, teachers, debaters, and evangelist. It was the nameless thousands of people who brought Jesus into their everyday life and reached out as His ambassadors. Men and women shared to gospel with their friends, colleagues, customers, and others in their everyday course of life.

Think what would happen if the vast majority of people in churches became serious about their calling to their personal mission field Monday through Friday. Here are a few points we need to remember in order to keep a Godly perspective on moving in our everyday mission field.

Remember that God is at work in the earth.  We need to look for His hand at work and join Him.

We are not on our own as we move in our everyday mission field. This was the secret to Jesus working. Joh 5:19-20…”Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.

Jesus spoke this just after the encounter with the woman at the well in John 4. In the midst of His ordinary day, He sat and spoke to the woman at the well. As He engaged her He saw signs of the Father working and He joined Him in the process.

We are not called to force spiritual conversations on reluctant strangers. None of us, especially introverts, aspire to be Christian telemarketers and high-pressure Spiritual salespersons. It isn’t about cornering and converting them. He wants us to be alert to ways in which He is working or has already broken ground, then join Him in the process.

As Peter tells us, as we live our life out loud we are more apt to respond to questions about why we are living the way we are or why we believe what we do. We respond, not if a rude way, but in an up front, honest and courteous way. 1 Peter 3:15 MSG Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy.

Remember that evangelism is more of a process than an event.

Joh 4:35-38 “Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest. (36) “Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. (37) “For in this case the saying is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’ (38) “I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored and you have entered into their labor.”
1Co 3:7 So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.

Often people take small steps and make small decision that lead to the big decision of giving their life completely to Jesus. God wants to use ordinary followers of Jesus to erode the barriers in their hearts and minds. Like any form of erosion it can take time. It happens through the course of interaction, caring relationships, meaningful conversations, and thought provoking presentations of the truth.

One evangelist I know uses the analogy of warming the soil. Sometimes we are planting seeds and other times we are warming the soil. The soil has to get to a certain temperature to cause the seed to sprout. No effort is wasted.

The Biblical metaphors of agricultural work in the harvest show us the process of evangelism. Every farmer knows the harvest is hard work, clearing the land, cultivating the soil, planning seeds, watering, and fertilizing, always precedes the joy of harvest.

Remember that what we do and who we are is just as important as what we say.

Simple efforts to serve others, express care, and live out the Christian life has as much of a positive impact as our talking points. While we need to speak up, just because we don’t speak at times doesn’t mean how we live isn’t communicating something in the hearts of people.

“The debbbil made me do it!” Anyone who watched television in the 70s, or watches re-runs, remembers Flip Wilson’s character “Geraldine Jones” who often interacted with “Reverent Leroy, pastor of the “Church of What’s Happening Now.” Geraldine always referred to her boyfriend as “Killer.” One of Geraldine’s favorite lines, “THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT,” became a national expression. This class comedy routine is amazingly relevant today. The characters may have changed but the idea is the same. It goes like this, “I am not responsible for my actions because…” It approaches our life in a way that believes we are simply helpless victims.

There are many destructive things that have become cemented into our culture’s psyche today. One of them is the idea of victimization. Victimization has become today’s “OUT” from accepting or facing personal responsibility for our life or behavior.

In a little over 100 years the therapeutic movement has become so entrenched into our western worldview that it has become part of our culture’s gospel. Many Christians unwhittingly believe it more than the word of God. It was alleged that in 1909, a 53 year old Jew born in Moravia (Sigmund Freud) poked a younger man from Switzerland (Carl Gustav Jung) in the ribs and said with excitement as they sailed into New York harbor, “Won’t they get a surprised when they hear what we have to say to them.”

Freud and Jung introduced many new ideas. Some have had positive benefits while others have lead to tragic consequences. For example, the reality that subconscious forces (many based on negative past experiences)  influencing our thoughts and behavior,  has been helpful in people understanding themselves.  But like anything else taken to an extreme, some ideas can become problems.  When people arrive at a conclusion that they are not responsible for their present behavior or choices, because of past experiences, then a victim mentality can develop that can be very destructive.

Some examples

I remember overhearing a counselor speaking to a young woman whose life was being destroyed by promiscuity. Her father had abandoned her at a young age. The counselor said, “Your father abandoned you at a young age, and of course you’d be scared to trust men. That explains your promiscuity.” There is a big difference between something being a factor in our psyche and behavior, and something causing it. It is often seen as something we have no control over.

It is a very neat package to conclude that any present behavioral problem is caused by bad experiences from the past. When people keep blaming their present problems on the past then they get stuck in the identity of a victim.

I remember listening to a radio counselor speaking with a 25 year old caller named Kathy who was leaving her second marriage. The radio host asked, “Kathy at what point did you know that husband No 1 was violent and husband No 2 was on drugs?” “I guess before I married them” was her surprisingly frank answer. “My parents were divorced, and my brother died, I was upset.” Her answer to being upset was to marry two men who she knew were bad news and now she is single with three children from two attempts to bury her emotional pain.

Current ideas consider irresponsible bad behavior as generally psychological. It goes something like this, considering my hurts, disappointments and traumas; I can’t be responsible for the havoc I wreak in the lives of others or the mess I’ve made of my own life.

Do we really believe that a lack of character, courage, and conscience is a result of bad past experiences? Do we believe that laziness, refusing to hold down a job, living in a way that is damaging to children that we are responsible for bring into the world is always products of some form of psychoneurosis?

Responsible means we are able to respond

Everyone has a past, and some experiences are worse than others. No doubt our past has an effect on our outlook and emotions. But it doesn’t erase the fact that everyone has choices to make. We are free moral agents. We have been given the ability to make choices. Responsibility is the “ability” to “respond.”

We are not like animals that are very limited in their choices based on their instinct. We are clearly instructed in God’s word not to act like a beast. Psa 32:9 Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you. Psa 73:22 Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.

As a culture we seem to be losing an internal will to overcome. We no longer think we are responsible for our choices or behavior. Everyone has faced difficult things in their past that affects our present. Whatever the degree of difficulty in our past, we all still have the ability to choose in our present. If not, we become a nation of excuses and victims.

Victimization seems to be today’s Promised Land of absolution from personal responsibility. I remember a “Frank and Ernest” comic strip that showed two “bums” sitting along a wall and conversing. One says to the other, “Do you believe in fate?” The other replies, “Sure. I’d hate to think I turned out like this because of something I had control over!”

Changing our path

 Acknowledging that you are responsible for the decisions you made that contributed to messing up your own life is admittedly very upsetting. But it is that very acknowledgement that is a beginning point in changing the direction of your life.    There is a very important Biblical idea that we all must give heed to.  If we want to change the direction our life we need to change our paths (the decisions we make and the steps we take) we are walking on.

The Bible clearly shows us that our paths have to do with determining our destiny than any other factor.  If you want to change the course of your life you must change your paths you have been walking on.  Psalm 119:35 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.

Psalm 119:104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.  

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. (NIV).  

Psalm 50:23 NASB  ”He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; And to him who orders his way (road, path, way, journey)  aright I shall show the salvation of God.”

Pro 4:18 NASB  But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day. 

Psa 1:1  How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

Pro 4:26  Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established

I remember one year in college I lived above a redneck bar.  There was a popular country western  song by an artist named Johnny Paycheck called “Take this job and shove it.”  It was kind of like a redneck anthem during that year and I could hear it played regularly.  I wonder how much people can embrace that idea.

When we see people making a beeline for the parking lot at noon on Sundays I wonder if they see any connection between the church service they have just attended and the other 98% of their waking hours?  Dualism (sections of our life being divided and unaffected by each other) is a terrible trap that God’s people can easily fall into.

Unless Christians understand the strategic nature of work/school/marketplace in God’s game plan they will not have faith to influence these important areas.  Contrary to popular perception, Christians don’t need to move to a Third World country in order to make a significant contribution in missions. Perhaps the most significant mission field for them is right under their nose.

One of the main struggles Christians have is seeing the difference between the secular and the sacred when it comes to our workplace/classroom/marketplace.  Christians can mistakenly think that what goes on in the church building is sacred but what goes on Monday is secular.  Somehow God is more around their life at church meeting on Sunday than He is at their workplace on Monday.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  This is often a product of a way of thinking that views our lives as segmented areas that don’t overlap.  It is kind of like pieces of a pie that are sliced up into individual slices and served separately.  The Biblical perspective however, is that all areas of life are one and flow together.  They all have a bearing on one another.   .

Instead of their being sacred areas of life in which God is involved, and secular areas He isn’t that interested in, all of life is sacred.  God wants to be involved in us, and through us, everyday, all the time.

Why do usually see our main Christian role models as “full time” pastors, teachers, or missionaries?  The idea of ‘full time’ is not a biblical term.  As a matter of fact the Bible shows us that we are all in the “full time ministry.”  We all should seek to advance His Kingdom everyday, all the time, where ever we find ourselves.

This wrong idea can be seen in the following erroneous statements.   

*I am really approved by God when my gifting and calling is expressed in a church context. 

*If I were somehow ‘full time’ – I would be really anointed, and my gifts would more fully expressed. 

*I could be more pleasing to God, more effective as a person, more valuable as an individual, if I were working more in the church, or for the church.

*My work is only spiritual when I am doing stuff in and for the church.

You can really see how invalid this type of thinking is when it is measured against the Biblical evidence in people’s lives.  Consider the following Biblical heroes.

*Abraham, the father of our faith, and the covenant-bearer was a traveling farmer, cattle rancher, land owner, businessman, and investor in silver and gold.

*Moses was an academic, a nomadic farmer and an international leader in three distinct phases of his life.

*Joseph’s prophetic ministry began in animal husbandry, took him into service in military households, prison management, and finally into the highest government office.

*Ruth fulfilled the purposes of God as a widow, as a refugee and as a housewife.

*Esther changed the course of world history by auditioning as a beauty queen!

*Daniel’s great revelation concerning the end times was brought to birth as he worked in the civil service and the king’s court. His government job included heading up what was essentially a ‘think tank’ to facilitate policy and counsel. From that environment he wrote the scripture which 2600 years later theologians are still diligently trying to explain!

*David was shepherd, poet, musician, military strategist and ruler.

What about the prophets?

*Amos ran a flock and a sycamore fig grove.

*Isaiah was in the king’s court.

*Zephaniah was a socialite in court service, with political interest.

*Ezekiel, whilst coming from a priestly family, was incredibly well versed in international affairs, culture, shipbuilding and literature. You could call him an academic.

*Nehemiah was a civil service governor.

*Obadiah was head of palace management.

*Elisha was a wealthy landowner with the equivalent of twelve combine harvesters.

One of the best examples of a right attitude in eliminating the difference between the secular and the sacred at the workplace was from the famous Missionary William Carey.  Carey was a shoemaker by trade.  Everyone who came into his shoe shop heard about Jesus Christ.  One day a man took him aside and said, “William, why all this talk about Jesus and Jesus running your business..”  Carey responded, with zeal, “My business? My business is to extend the Kingdom of God, I only cobble shoes to meet my expenses.”

 We are all full time ministers and our business is to extend the Kingdom of God, everyday, everywhere, all the time.

I liked this Toyota commercial partly because of the truth that is expressed in it, and partly because of my reluctance towards some of the social media world.  This is something I have been speaking about for a while.  This young girl is sitting at her computer alone with her online friends and is commenting on how older people are “becoming more and more anti-social.” She talked her parents into joining Facebook but in spite of her efforts they only have 19 friends while she has 687 to which she adds, “This is living.”  Her mom and dad spent their day on a real mountain biking trip with live real friends while she spends her day in front of a computer. What a great point!

Thanks to Facebook and other Social Media sites people who we barely know or remember from the past are “friends” along with others that we really do know. William Deresiewicz in an essay on the Chronicles of Higher Education called “Faux Friends” said, “we live at a time when friendship has become both all and nothing at all.”

Real friendship is much different than online friendship

Real friendship, like what we experience and see in the Bible has personal commitment, sacrificial love and even periods of emotional intensity. They take effort and a willingness to walk together in both good times as well as challenging times. It involves feedback that gives us self perspective as we know and are know as we really are.  But online Friends can be like looking at a set of professional baseball cards and thinking they are your friends. Why, because online friends and real friends are all together on your Facebook site. They have similar characteristics of friendship but are not really the real thing!

Face to face friendship gives you perspective of yourself because you know and are known by others in a real way, but online you become whoever you want to be, regardless of whether it is real or not. The other side is that you can share your outrageous thoughts and perspectives with no real feedback other than a “like” reply, or short comment.”

When you post things about yourself it is really impersonal while giving the illusion that it is personal. Personal profile means you put out data about you that tells people little or nothing about your true character which is an important dimension to friendship. We really only know someone as we hear their stories and interact with then about ours. Real friendship involves a mutual sharing of stories from each other’s lives while there is probing and asking questions of each other.

We must have real friendships not just online “friends”

As Christians, we use social media sites but we can’t afford to let ourselves drift into having online friends but not many onsite, face to face friends. Just like God said to creation in the Garden of Eden, It is not good for man to be alone” we can be just as alone sitting in front of our computer screen with our 600 Facebook friends. We can’t allow Social Media Friends in which we relate, with an often made up image, to cheapen real relational connections. The House of God needs to demonstrate the relationships that Jesus has with us when He calls us friends. Open, honest, real, and ongoing, in which we help each other grow in their experience of Jesus Christ and His Family. Let’s not be satisfied with lazily sitting behind the protection of a screen, keeping our distance, so we can have an illusion of friendship.

Guess who is in the spotlight again as a divisive person?  You guessed it, Tim Tebow.  In November the Atlantic Monthly released an article about the 15 most divisive athletes in recent history and you guessed it, Tim Tebow made the list at number 14.   The article was titled “Tim Tebow and the 15 Most Divisive Athletes in Recent History.”  He even made it in the title of the article!

The 15 athletes are the who’s who of trouble makers, both on and off  the field.  Names like OJ Simpson, who was convicted of the wrongful death of his ex wife and Ronald Goldman.  This is the same OJ who was charged with numerous felonies including armed robbery and kidnapping for which he is serving prison time.

Michael Vick convicted of animal cruelty, Pete Rose who agreed to permanent ineligibility from baseball amidst accusations that he gambled on games as a player and manager, and Barry Bonds, found guilty of using steroids and charged with obstruction of justice for lying in court, all made the list.  Even Kobe Bryant, the admitted adulterer, who recently filed for divorce from his wife amidst rumors of numerous indiscretions with several other women, also made the list.  Most of us would have agreed with including on this list figures like Dennis Rodman, whose lifestyle most parents would not wish for any of their sons, but Tim Tebow?

Most media new cycles today seem incomplete without some story of athletes getting in trouble both on and off the field.  Even the Atlantic article came only a couple of weeks before the NFL announced that 11 players had failed drug tests.  Some were suspended for the rest of the season because it was their third offense.

This Atlantic Monthly article seems to fit the times we live in, but what did Tim Tebow do to make such a dubious list that includes a guy who probably killed his ex-wife and another who shows up at book signings wearing a dress?   I know this sounds really awful and worthy of being on such a list, Tebow is very up front about his Christian faith.  He prays on the sidelines and thanks Jesus at the beginning of almost every interview. Oh, I almost forgot, he made a TV ad which aired at the super bowl about how glad he and his mother were that she didn’t follow the doctor’s advice and abort him.  Of course these types of things are so appalling that he should make such a list.

Oh, I almost forgot a couple of devious things, his foundation helped build a hospital in the Philippines recently and while mic’d up at the Bears game he greeted a “Dreams come true” child with a terminal illness. If that isn’t some kind of cross between Jack the Ripper and a child molester, I don’t who else would be.

Come on, let’s get real about it. Tebow’s divisiveness which gets lumped into list with cheats, murderers, adulterers, drug users, and convicts sound’s a lot like the divisiveness that Jesus caused.  After all He was hung on a cross with the lowest criminals of His time as well.  Jesus said it would happen, John 15:18 ”If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it
hated you.  He also stated that a big reason for it is that people “love darkness more than light.”

We live in times when most parents, teachers, and concerned citizens long for more good role models for their children.  As
long as Tebow continues to be up front about his faith there will be little he can do to please people enough to make a better list.  His only option is to quit being so up front in public about his faith.  Many Christians have done this so they aren’t so offensive in public (I think Jesus talked about hiding our light under a basket).  It just shows how intolerant our nation has become about faith in the public arena.  In the name of tolerance, political correctness, and anti bullying we now seem to justify ourselves to do all three when it comes to public displays of faith.  God help us!

This sports commentator identifies it well
 
 

In the church world words like “fellowship” or “relationships” conjures up images such as sitting around a living room, eating refreshments, talking about life, and singing “Kumbaya.”  It includes enjoyable things like hanging out at a picnic or doing fun things together.  Having friends that are interested in our life and help us when we have needs are a very appealing thing.  A good relational church can be imagined as a nice sheep pen in which the sheep are cozy with one another and the shepherds are constantly attending to their needs.

If we are really spiritual then relationships can go to a deeper level of interaction.  This is contained in a word called “accountability.”  This is where we get a little more honest and involved with people in our life.  We share more openly with them about struggles and challenges we are having.  There is an openness to confess our sins as well as receiving counsel and
prayer.  Relationships on this level can seem very therapeutic.  We focus on our problems and how to “get better.”

Both of these ideas can seem very safe, sanitized, and almost tame.  They can seem like a “nice” effort designed to produce “nice” people.  While both have their place,  if that is the extent of fellowship then we are missing something very important.  God joins people together for His purpose.  The church is not to be a narcissistic body consumed only with itself.  It is a body designed for a purpose beyond itself.  Paul expresses this great call in Ephesians

Eph 1:22-23  He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church.  (23)  The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ’s body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.

God’s design for His body is to move, act, and fill the earth with His presence through it.  Not just filling inside the confines of the church. He wants to fill the whole earth.

The great theologian Abraham Kuper made an interesting comment on Psalm 24:1 The earth is the LORD’S, and all it contains, The world, and those who dwell in it.  He said, “There is not one square inch of this universe that God doesn’t say “mine.”  God is always wanting to fill His earth (every square inch) with His presence and  He wants to do it through His people.

Relationships that stimulate zeal/fire

 An important element that is often missing in “church relationships” is seen in Hebrews.  Heb 10:23-25  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;  (24)  and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,  (25)  not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

The word “stimulate” one another is a very interesting word.  It is far from the safe and sanitized form of relationships that is often imagined in the church.  The word “stimulate” means “incitement, provoke unto, contention.”  It means such things as “to call into action; to arouse; to excite; to provoke anger or wrath; to provoke war; to excite or challenge; to stir up or arouse.”  It means to incite to action.

This isn’t a tame word!  There is an element of danger and forward action in it.  As the church goes forward and “fills everything with His presence,” darkness is destroyed.   It is the idea Jesus declared when He said in Matthew 16 “I will build my church and the gates of hell can’t stop its forward advance.”   When our relationships stimulate us to go forward, then the fire of God moves through us to destroy the works of the enemy on every square inch of God’s earth.

The prophet Zechariah spoke of these types of relationships among God’s people.  Zec 12:5-6 “Then the clans (social units) of Judah will say in their hearts, ‘A strong support for us are the inhabitants of Jerusalem through the LORD of hosts, their God.’  6  “In that day I will make the clans of Judah like a firepot among pieces of wood and a flaming torch among sheaves, so they will consume on the right hand and on the left all the surrounding peoples, while the inhabitants of Jerusalem again dwell on their own sites in Jerusalem

A great Old Testament story that depicts this comes from Samson.  Their enemy, the Philistines, had planted crops on God’s land.  Samson, who was a judge God raised up to deliver His people and advance His purpose, did something very interesting.  He caught 300 foxes, put a torch between every pair of them, and tied their tails to that torch.  He then set the torch on fire and sent each pair throughout the enemy’s crops.  This resulted in the crops that the enemy had planted to be burnt down.

Jdg 15:4-5 NASB  Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took torches, and turned the foxes tail to tail and put one torch in the middle between two tails.  5  When he had set fire to the torches, he released the foxes into the standing grain of the Philistines, thus burning up both the shocks and the standing grain, along with the vineyards and groves.

What a story to show us what this type of Biblical fellowship is like!  God’s sets His fire/Spirit among us, and ties us together with Him and each other.  If we are on fire for God as we move out, “two by two,” we end up spreading a fire that destroys the work of the enemy.  It is  what Peter and John did when they went together to pray and the temple.  They encountered a beggar and out of the Spirit filled fire among them they prayed for him and he was healed.

Our relationships should “stimulate” us to action and Kingdom advancement.  They should work to light the torch of the Spirit among us.  This is far from sitting around a living having coffee and focusing on our problems.   While that has its place in God’s relational design, it must not be the extent of it.  Lets seek the type of relationships that “stimulate one another” by the fire of God, to go out and burn down the enemies crops.

 

 

How could he jump off a bridge and kill himself with hundreds of his friends knowing about it, and doing nothing to stop him?   How could this happen?    On Sept. 22, 2010 a Rutgers University freshman posted a goodbye message on his Facebook page before jumping to his death.  The message, “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” When police found his car near the George Washington bridge his mobile phone and computer where on the front seat, from which he posted the last message on Facebook after installing an application on the phone which allowed him to send messages from the device.  That picture alone, mobile phone, computer, and fresh “communication” describes our social media generation.   Is this how we are now defining friendship?